
“And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~ Anaïs Nin
Last week, I shared the first of seven guidelines for being more mindful in everyday life.
Guideline # 1:
Whenever possible, do just one thing at a time. Then do the next thing. And the next. But do them mindfully.
I’ll be sharing the remaining six guidelines in future posts, but before we dive into them, it’s important to step back and explore something deeper—the Foundational Attitudes of a Mindfulness Practice. These attitudes are the roots that sustain and nurture mindfulness, especially when challenges arise. Whether you’re brand new to mindfulness or have been practicing for years, these attitudes will help you navigate moments of difficulty, self-doubt, or frustration. By grounding yourself in these principles, you can enrich and deepen your practice, allowing it to truly transform your relationship with yourself and the world around you.
Before we dive in, some of you may recognise this topic. In 2020, I wrote about this topic on my original blog platform, with a focus on pregnant people and their partners. You can still view the presentation from that post HERE. The principles, though, apply universally and can benefit anyone, no matter where you are in life or your mindfulness journey.
The Eight Foundational Attitudes of Mindfulness

Beginner's Mind
Non-Judging
Patience
Non-Striving
Trust
Acknowledgement
Letting Be
Kindness
These foundational attitudes—referred to by Nancy Bardacke, author of Mindful Birthing: Training the Mind, Body, and Heart for Childbirth and Beyond—are like seeds in the garden of mindfulness:
"Holding these eight attitudes in mind... will nourish, support, and strengthen your practice and your capacity for becoming more awake and aware in each moment of your life."
Just as a garden requires the right conditions to thrive, mindfulness practice is strengthened by these eight attitudes. They are not only helpful in meditation but also when facing life's challenges, including the complex experiences of parenting, pregnancy, or simply navigating everyday stresses. As you move through each of these attitudes—beginner’s mind, non-judging, patience, non-striving, trust, acknowledgment, letting be, and kindness—you’ll discover how they bring clarity, compassion, and resilience to your life.
Shall we begin?
i. Beginner's Mind

So often, we experience life through the filters of our past or our expectations of the future. A beginner’s mind allows us to meet the present moment with fresh eyes, free from preconceived ideas or assumptions. This attitude encourages us to be curious, to approach whatever is happening right now as though we are encountering it for the very first time. To cultivate a beginner's mind in your meditation practice, bring curiosity to whatever is unfolding. Let go of anxious thoughts about the future or ruminations about the past. Be present with this moment—right now, as you read this. Give it a try.
The "Don't-Know" Mind
A close cousin to beginner's mind is what’s often called the don’t-know mind. In meditation—and in life, especially during pregnancy—you’re bound to encounter the unexpected: a baby in a breech position, an unfamiliar sensation during meditation, or a test result that catches you off guard. Surprise is inevitable in life: surprise that this is the moment your water breaks, this is the moment you feel annoyed about an itch you're feeling while in your meditation practice, this is the moment a random event upends your day. The “don’t-know” mind teaches us to let go of certainty and embrace the present moment with openness. For example, during my first 10-day Vipassana retreat, I often felt anxious and caught up in wondering how much longer the meditation would last. Then, the phrase don’t know popped into my mind, and I returned to my breath. This simple mental shift helped me realize that my anxiety wasn’t caused by the meditation itself but by my mind’s anticipation of the future. By recognizing this, I was able to let go and settle back into the present.
When you embrace the present moment with a don’t-know mind, you realize that the only moment you truly know is the one happening right now. Expectations, assumptions, and fantasies about the future fade, leaving you open to experience what is—just as it is.
Don’t-know mind allows us to acknowledge our hopes and expectations without becoming attached to them. This creates a mental resilience that serves us well in meditation, childbirth, and life.
So, the next time you sit down to meditate and your mind starts wandering—whether you’re questioning if you’re “doing it right” or wondering whether meditation will make a difference—try saying to yourself, don’t know, and return to your breath.
By letting go of preconceived ideas—whether about your meditation practice, childbirth, or anything else—you open yourself to truly discover the experience for yourself, as it unfolds in each moment.
ii. Non-Judging

Whether we like it or not, our minds are constantly generating thoughts. While this creativity can be a gift—spinning stories, fantasies, and ideas—our minds can also be amazingly inaccurate in perceiving reality. Nancy Bardacke describes Non-Judging beautifully. She says:
"Our thoughts are often reactions to our experience of the moment. We can be very quick to judge things as good or bad according to whether we find them pleasurable or painful. For most of us, this is a very strong habit, and it establishes us firmly in our stories about our likes and dislikes."
With mindfulness practice you become more familiar with the various patterns of your mind, including one of the most common patterns for many of us: self-judgment. Because mindfulness allows us to take a step away from our stories (psychologists call it decentering), we are less likely to get caught up in an endless loop of painful judgments about either ourselves or others. Mindful awareness helps us to recognize thoughts, even self-judging ones, as mental events arising and passing, like clouds in the sky. This makes it possible to see that we are not our thoughts, which is a tremendously liberating insight!
With mindfulness practice, you begin to recognise the patterns of your mind, including one of the most common: self-judgment. Mindfulness helps you take a step back from these stories—what psychologists call "decentering"—so you’re less likely to get caught in endless loops of painful judgments, whether they’re about yourself or others.
In time, you’ll see that judging thoughts, like all thoughts, are just mental events passing through the mind—no different than clouds moving across the sky. This realisation, that we are not our thoughts, can be profoundly liberating.
Observing Without Believing
Through mindfulness, you learn that you don’t have to believe every judging thought that arises. And just as importantly, you don’t need to add another layer of judgment by thinking, “There I go again, judging myself!” You also don’t have to create a story around it, like “I’m such a judgmental person.” That, too, is just more judgmental thinking.
Instead, you can practice observing these thoughts non-judgmentally—acknowledging them without getting caught up. With each thought, gently return your attention to your breath, your body, or the sensations of the present moment. Over time, you’ll develop the ability to dwell in a space of non-judgment, allowing thoughts to arise and pass without attaching to them.
A Personal Story of Non-Judging
After the birth of my daughter, Isabella, I found myself struggling with my sense of self. Before becoming pregnant, I felt strong and capable—I could do handstands, run miles, and felt physically fit. But after childbirth, my body felt tired and depleted. I was sleep-deprived, exhausted, and to top it off, I developed a wrist injury from constantly lifting my chubby baby. Suddenly, the yoga practice I loved became painful, and I couldn’t do the things I used to.
For months, I compared myself to my pre-pregnancy self and to other women in my yoga classes. I caught myself thinking, “I’m not as good of a yogi anymore.” I judged myself for not being able to perform the way I once did, and I felt “less than” compared to the younger women around me.
But one day, something shifted. I realized that I could lean on my mindfulness practice—though I had been struggling to maintain it with my new life as a mother. Each time I became aware of a judging thought, I let it go and returned my attention to my body. I focused on the sensations I was feeling in the moment, instead of the comparison in my mind.
It wasn’t easy, and it didn’t happen overnight. But as I practiced letting go of judgment, those thoughts began to quiet down. They lost their intensity. By the time my daughter could sit near me and watch me practice yoga, the self-judgment had lost its hold on me. I realized that as long as I stayed in the present moment—in my body—I could manage the judging mind. Every yoga class became another opportunity to practice mindfulness, not a test of my worth.
Mindfulness as an Alternative to Judgment When we hold strong attachments to how we think things should be, the judging mind is quick to react when reality doesn’t match our expectations. It can lead us into a cycle of anger, blame, or disappointment—emotions that, while understandable, only create more suffering for ourselves.
Mindfulness offers us another way. By observing our judgments with gentleness and allowing them to pass, we can reduce the suffering that comes from our attachment to how things “should” be.
A Loving-Kindness Practice
I’d like to share with you now a FREE and simple Loving-Kindness Meditation. Cultivating kindness toward ourselves and others is one of the most powerful antidotes to judgment. I invite you to take a moment to practice it now before moving on. By practicing loving-kindness and non-judgment, we can soften the grip of self-criticism and cultivate a deeper sense of ease and presence in our lives.
In future posts, I’ll go deeper into this practice, but for now, let’s start with a few moments of self-compassion:
iii. Patience
Patience is the understanding that events unfold at their own pace, not necessarily according to the timetable we have in mind. In meditation, for instance, we might want to see immediate results—whether that means achieving stillness, peace, or some deeper insight. But this sense of urgency to get somewhere other than where we are in the present moment is just another way the mind creates tension and unhappiness.
Patience, in the context of mindfulness, is about allowing things to be as they are and recognizing that everything, including change and progress, happens in its own time.
Cultivating Patience Through Mindfulness
One of the gifts of maintaining a mindfulness practice—whether formal or informal—is that it teaches us to cultivate patience. By becoming more aware of how impatience arises, we can learn to make wiser, more compassionate choices about how we respond.
When impatience shows up during meditation, notice it for what it is: a feeling, often accompanied by discomfort or restlessness. Instead of reacting, try returning to your breath and gently observing the physical sensations that come with impatience. Becoming familiar with these feelings can help you soften your response to them. Over time, you’ll notice that old triggers that once caused frustration or irritation won’t affect you in the same way.
Applying Patience in Daily Life
This mindful patience isn’t just useful in meditation—it can transform how we navigate everyday situations. Whether you’re parenting, going through pregnancy, or facing the challenges of labor, practice being open to what is rather than rushing to change it. Embrace the experience with kindness and a non-judging mind, allowing things to unfold naturally.
By bringing patience to these moments, you not only ease your own frustration but also develop a deeper sense of compassion for yourself. This patience helps you stay grounded, accepting that change and growth take time, and that this moment is part of the process.
Remember: Patience is not passive—it’s an active practice of being present with what is, and trusting that things will evolve in their own time. Whether you’re meditating or moving through the complexities of life, patience is a form of self-kindness.
iv. Non-Striving

"Striving" is the act of trying hard to reach a goal, of putting effort into getting somewhere. In many aspects of life, striving is encouraged—it’s how we reach our goals and achieve success. But in mindfulness practice, striving can become a barrier to being fully present.
In mindfulness, there is nothing to achieve, nothing to earn, and nowhere to go. The practice is not about accomplishing something specific; rather, it’s about learning to be at peace with your reality as it is. This means cultivating a state of awareness in which you are fully in tune with how you feel in the present moment—even if that moment is uncomfortable, painful, or not what you would prefer.
By practicing non-striving, you learn to let go of the constant drive to change or control your experience. Instead, you align your mind and body as one, avoiding the unnecessary energy drain that comes from always trying to “get somewhere.”
The Paradox of Non-Striving
Interestingly, when you stop striving, you may find yourself getting closer to where you truly want to be. When you let go of the urge to force an outcome, you create space for awareness and acceptance to arise naturally. This brings a deeper sense of ease and clarity, and in that space, you may find that the growth or peace you were seeking begins to unfold on its own.
Non-striving doesn’t mean being passive—it’s an active practice of accepting what is, and in doing so, opening yourself up to the flow of life as it happens. Whether in meditation or in life, non-striving allows you to engage fully in the present moment without the pressure of achieving a specific outcome.
In Practice
The next time you sit down to meditate, notice if there’s a part of you that’s trying to “achieve” something—whether that’s stillness, calm, or some deep insight. See if you can let go of that effort and simply observe what’s happening in the moment. By practicing non-striving, you allow your experience to unfold naturally, without forcing it to be anything other than what it is. Remember: The beauty of mindfulness is that there’s nothing to “get right.” You’re already exactly where you need to be, and by embracing the attitude of non-striving, you can learn to rest in that place of presence and peace.
v. Trust (as Self-Reliance)

Learning to trust yourself is a foundational attitude of mindfulness practice. You are the ultimate authority on your experience. By listening to your inner wisdom, you begin to cultivate trust in yourself, which will guide you toward what is best for you—whether in your daily life, in parenting, or during pregnancy and childbirth.
As you practice mindfulness, this capacity to trust yourself will naturally grow. You’ll develop confidence not just in your ability to meditate, but in your ability to handle whatever arises in life. This self-reliance becomes a quiet strength—a trust that you can navigate your experiences, whether joyful or challenging, with clarity and resilience.
Building Trust Through Mindfulness
One of the gifts of mindfulness is that it helps you become more in tune with your body, mind, and heart. As you practice, you’ll become increasingly aware of how you feel, what you need, and how to honor those needs. This awareness helps you make decisions with greater confidence, as you learn to rely on your inner sense of what is right for you.
Trusting yourself is not about having all the answers. It’s about developing an inner strength that allows you to take responsibility for your choices and actions, no matter the outcome. This self-trust frees you from doubt and hesitation, empowering you to move through life with more ease and confidence.
Trusting Your Choices in Meditation
The next time you sit down to meditate, trust that the simple act of choosing to meditate is already the best decision you could have made for yourself. There’s no need to question whether you’re doing it “right” or whether it’s “working.” Trust in the process, and trust in yourself.
When you bring trust into your meditation practice, you allow yourself to fully experience the moment without second-guessing or self-doubt. Over time, this self-reliance will extend beyond your meditation cushion, helping you to trust your instincts and decisions in all areas of life—whether in parenting, work, or navigating the uncertainties of pregnancy and childbirth.
Remember: Trust is about developing a deep connection with yourself and honoring that inner wisdom. By trusting your own experience, you build a foundation of self-reliance that will support you through whatever life presents.
vi. Acknowledgment (Moving Toward Acceptance)
Nancy Bardacke explains the essence of acknowledgment in mindfulness practice:
"In meditation practice, when we bring awareness to our moment-to-moment experience without trying to change anything, run away, or deny what is happening, we are practicing acknowledgement of things as they are. This doesn't mean we have to like things as they are. Instead, acknowledgment becomes a starting point for us to clearly see a situation as it is. Once we can see clearly, without the mind being so clouded by reactive emotions or judgments, a greater range of options opens up. In time, as we work with what is real, we may come to accept even very painful emotions or situations. And with acceptance comes a kind of inner peace."
Acknowledgment vs. Resistance
Acknowledgment is not the same as resignation or passive acceptance. It doesn’t mean that we approve of or are content with the situation as it is. Instead, it’s a way to step back from our emotional reactivity, so that we can see things more clearly. This clarity allows us to respond with greater wisdom, rather than reacting out of fear or resistance.
When we resist reality—when we cling to how we want things to be instead of how they are—we become stuck. But when we acknowledge things as they are, we free up mental and emotional energy that can be channeled into making wise, effective choices.
When I was pregnant with Isabella, I had a clear vision of what I wanted: a peaceful home birth without medical intervention. As my pregnancy progressed, however, my doula and midwife began to express concerns. Isabella wasn’t in the best position, and after laboring for almost 48 hours, it became clear that I might need to go to the hospital for assistance or to at least make sure Isabella was okay.
I tried everything I could to avoid this outcome—doing all the suggested poses and exercises to encourage Isabella to move. I lunged, climbed stairs, and did everything possible, while laboring intensely at 4cm dilation. But in my mind, I was resisting the idea of going to the hospital. Fear, disappointment, and frustration clouded my thoughts, but then something shifted. My mindfulness practice kicked in.
As I observed the contractions in my body and noticed my resistance, I became aware of the mental and emotional tension I was creating. My thoughts were filled with worries about the hospital and feelings of disappointment. But instead of denying or pushing those feelings away, I acknowledged them. I allowed myself to feel the fear in my mind and the tightness in my chest, without trying to change them.
Eventually, the phrase "it is what it is" surfaced in my mind, and I let its meaning sink in. I realized that this birth wasn’t just about me and my ideal plan—it was about what was best for Isabella, too. I let go of my attachment to having a home birth and agreed to be driven to the hospital.
Once we arrived, the doctors reassured me that both Isabella and I were okay, and I was able to get some much-needed rest. The next morning, I felt more refreshed, and I was able to continue laboring without medication. The hospital even had a tub, which, although not the one I’d envisioned, allowed me to experience some relief. When Isabella was finally born 24 hours later, I was grateful that I had let go of my attachment to the home birth and had accepted the reality of the situation.
Acknowledgment as a Starting Point for Change
Acknowledging things as they are doesn’t mean we give up on trying to improve our situation. In fact, acknowledgment is often the first and most intelligent step toward change. When we can see the reality of a situation clearly, without being clouded by our emotions or desires for how we want things to be, we open up space for creativity and skillful action.
When we resist reality—whether in meditation, in childbirth, or in life—we limit our ability to make meaningful changes. But when we acknowledge what is, we can access the clarity and energy needed to take effective steps toward transformation.
In Practice
The next time you find yourself in a difficult situation, whether during meditation or in life, try to notice if you’re resisting reality. Are you wishing things were different than they are? Are you clinging to a particular outcome? If so, take a moment to simply acknowledge what’s happening—both externally and internally. By practicing acknowledgment, you create space for acceptance and clarity, which can lead to more skillful and compassionate action.
vii. Letting Be
One of the most important aspects of mindfulness is learning to let things be. As Nancy Bardacke writes:
"An important element in acknowledging and eventually coming to terms with things as they are is letting be. When we want something very badly, when we are very attached–be it to a person, an object, an idea, or a fantasy of the way we want things to be–we hold on, often quite tightly. It is this attachment to the way we wish things to be that can pose some of life's greatest challenges."
In both meditation and life, we often resist what we don’t like and cling tightly to what we do like. This is a natural human reaction, but it's also a recipe for suffering. We can't control everything around us, and life inevitably brings experiences that don’t align with our desires. The more we resist reality, the more suffering we create for ourselves.
Mindfulness offers a different approach: one where we allow things to be as they are, without immediately reacting to or resisting them.
Letting Be in Meditation
In meditation, we may find ourselves avoiding discomfort by shifting in our seats, wiggling, or fidgeting. Or, we might reach for our phones or open our eyes, even if there’s no real need to. These small actions are often ways of escaping unpleasant sensations or emotions that arise during our practice. And this isn’t limited to meditation—it happens in everyday life, too. We distract ourselves, avoid difficult emotions, and cling to pleasant experiences, hoping to maintain control.
But life doesn’t work that way. We can’t avoid discomfort forever, and we can’t hold on to fleeting moments of pleasure. This constant push-and-pull creates unnecessary stress and suffering.
The Power of Letting Be
Letting be is about releasing this inner struggle. Instead of resisting discomfort, we turn toward it with curiosity. Imagine you’re meditating, and suddenly you feel a sharp sensation in your back or an itch on your arm. Your immediate instinct might be to shift or scratch, to make the discomfort go away. But what if, instead, you just pause? What if you observe the sensation, notice how your mind reacts, and breathe through it?
You might discover that the sensation eventually fades away or moves to a different part of your body. This simple exercise in letting be teaches us an invaluable lesson: everything is temporary. By sitting with discomfort, rather than resisting it, we learn that we can endure it—and that it will pass.
Over time, this practice of letting be in meditation builds mental resilience. We become less reactive to life’s challenges and more able to flow with change, rather than fighting against it.
Letting Be in Everyday Life
The benefits of letting be extend far beyond meditation. Let’s say you’re walking down the street, and someone bumps into you rudely. Your initial reaction might be irritation or anger. Without mindfulness, this feeling could linger, and you might stew over it for hours, reliving the encounter in your mind.
But if you’ve cultivated the attitude of letting be, you’re more likely to notice that initial surge of emotion without becoming attached to it. You might feel the irritation rise up, acknowledge it, and then let it pass. You realize that this moment, like all moments, is temporary, and you don’t have to let it dictate the rest of your day.
Letting be doesn’t mean passivity or indifference. It’s about allowing the flow of life to unfold without becoming entangled in the inevitable ups and downs. It gives us the freedom to respond, rather than react, to life’s challenges.
In Practice
The next time you find yourself struggling—whether it’s during meditation or in your daily life—try to let go of the urge to control or change things. Notice the sensation or emotion that’s arising and observe how your mind wants to resist it. Then, take a breath and let it be. Over time, this practice will allow you to face discomfort with more grace and resilience, both on and off the meditation cushion.
viii. Kindness

At its core, mindfulness is about cultivating kindness—both toward ourselves and toward others. In fact, one of the first ways we practice kindness in meditation is through the simple act of bringing awareness to our breath.
When you’re encouraged to focus on your breath, noticing the sensations of your body as you inhale and exhale, it’s inevitable that your mind will wander. You might begin thinking about a task you need to finish or replaying a conversation from earlier in the day. This is perfectly natural. And it’s in these moments that kindness comes into play.
When you notice your mind has drifted, you have a choice: you can either criticize yourself for losing focus or you can gently escort your attention back to your breath. By choosing the latter, you’re practicing kindness. Instead of judging yourself for being distracted, you acknowledge it with compassion and return to the present moment.
This is a vital part of mindfulness practice—repeatedly offering yourself kindness each time your mind wanders. As Nancy Bardacke beautifully elucidates, "If your mind strays 50 times during a five-minute meditation, then you have 50 opportunities to practice kindness toward yourself. What a beautiful way to spend those minutes."
Kindness in Mindfulness Practice
This continual process of recognizing your wandering mind and bringing it back to your breath is not just about cultivating focus; it’s about building a relationship with yourself based on patience and compassion. Instead of viewing distractions as failures, you learn to see them as natural parts of being human. Each time you return your focus, you have the chance to treat yourself with gentleness.
Over time, this practice begins to reshape your inner dialogue. The harsh, critical voice that often arises when we perceive ourselves as “failing” can soften. Rather than berating yourself for losing focus or feeling agitated during meditation, you acknowledge these experiences with kindness and curiosity. This shift in perspective isn’t limited to meditation—it begins to seep into all aspects of life.
Bringing Kindness into Everyday Life
The kindness you cultivate on the meditation cushion has far-reaching effects. The next time you make a mistake at work, instead of spiraling into self-criticism, you might pause and treat yourself with the same kindness you practiced during meditation. Or, when you feel overwhelmed by a parenting challenge, you can extend compassion to yourself rather than engaging in self-judgment.
Mindfulness teaches us that everyone is imperfect, that mistakes and distractions are part of the human experience. By embracing kindness in these moments, you give yourself permission to be exactly as you are, without the constant pressure to be perfect.
Kindness doesn’t stop with ourselves. As we practice compassion internally, we also become more compassionate toward others. When we see someone else make a mistake or act out of frustration, we can more easily recognize that they, too, are human—just like us. With this understanding, we can extend kindness to them as well, offering empathy and patience rather than judgment.
Kindness in Every Moment
In essence, mindfulness is a practice of kindness. Whether you’re in formal meditation or navigating the complexities of daily life, each moment presents an opportunity to return to the present with gentleness. As you continue to build this habit, you’ll find that the same kindness you show yourself becomes more readily available for others.
So the next time you sit down to meditate and your mind begins to wander, remember: this is not a failure. It’s an invitation to practice kindness. Each time you return to your breath, you are strengthening your capacity for compassion—both toward yourself and toward the world around you. What a powerful and transformative gift.
Conclusion
As we conclude our exploration of the Foundational Attitudes of Mindfulness Practice, it’s important to recognize that these principles are not just abstract ideas; they are practical tools that can transform your everyday experiences. By cultivating a beginner's mind, practicing non-judging, embodying patience, embracing non-striving, nurturing trust, acknowledging reality, letting things be, and fostering kindness, you can create a solid foundation for your mindfulness journey.
Each attitude offers unique insights and support, enabling you to approach life’s challenges with greater awareness, compassion, and resilience. Whether you’re facing the joys and difficulties of parenting, navigating the uncertainties of pregnancy, or simply striving for a more mindful existence, these attitudes can guide you toward a more profound sense of presence and peace.
Remember that mindfulness is a practice, one that unfolds over time. Be gentle with yourself as you explore these attitudes, allowing them to integrate into your life at your own pace. Just as a garden flourishes with care and patience, so too will your mindfulness practice grow stronger with consistent nurturing.
I encourage you to reflect on how you can incorporate these foundational attitudes into your daily routine. Consider keeping a journal to track your experiences and insights as you practice. And, as always, if you have any questions or need guidance along the way, I’m here to support you on this journey.
Thank you for joining me in this exploration of mindfulness. I look forward to sharing the remaining six guidelines with you in future posts. Until then, may you find peace and clarity in every moment. ~ Love,
Ashley
Works Cited:
Bardacke, Nancy. Mindful Birthing: Training the Mind, Body, and Heart for Childbirth and Beyond. HarperOne, 2012.
Comments