As part of my training in Mindfulness-Based Childbirth and Parenting (MBCP), I recently watched a session taught by Nancy Bardacke, author of Mindful Birthing. The class, designed to teach anatomy and the birth process, included a segment where a couple reflected on their very recent journey into parenthood.
I was struck by the interaction with this couple. The discussion, intended to reflect on the birth process and early parenting, was dominated by the father. He spoke at length—over 40 minutes—about the birth and early parenting experience, describing breastfeeding, baby care, and other aspects of their transition to parenthood. He often used “we” to recount these moments, even going so far as to frame these experiences as “easy,” calling them a “two-variable system.”
Meanwhile, the mother—the one who had given birth—spoke only briefly, her voice almost an afterthought in a conversation ostensibly centered on her experience.
I felt a surge of frustration as I watched. It was difficult not to see this as a microcosm of a broader societal pattern in which women’s voices, particularly around childbirth, are overshadowed—even in spaces explicitly designed to honor their experiences. My feminist instincts were triggered, and I found myself questioning the father’s self-awareness as well as the societal norms that often lead to such imbalances.
Yet, as I sat with these emotions, I realized the moment presented a profound opportunity to engage with my mindfulness practice. One of the central teachings of MBCP is the importance of noticing our immediate reactions, naming them, and creating space for curiosity and compassionate inquiry. My reaction—rooted in protectiveness for the mother and irritation with the father—was valid, but holding onto that frustration would have limited my ability to understand the dynamics at play.
Nancy’s response—gently expanding his oversimplified “two-variable system” into a more inclusive and nuanced “four-variable system” (wet, hungry, tired, lonely)—modeled the power of subtle redirection. She did not chastise or diminish him but instead broadened the discussion in a way that made space for new perspectives. This reminded me that as an MBCP teacher, my role is not to judge or control the dynamics in the room but to guide the conversation mindfully and ensure all voices, especially the birthing parent’s, are honored.
This moment was a reminder of what I hope to embody as an MBCP teacher, mindfulness in childbirth conversations. Dynamics like this—shaped by power, unconscious bias, or societal norms—will inevitably arise. My role will not be to judge or control but to create a space where all voices are heard while ensuring that the birthing parent’s experience remains central. Mindfulness offers a powerful framework for navigating these challenges with compassion and curiosity.
Practically, this means honing skills such as asking open-ended questions, gently redirecting dominant voices, and inviting quieter ones into the conversation. It also means staying attuned to the unique dynamics of each couple, recognizing that some imbalances may reflect deeper relational patterns or cultural influences that require thoughtful navigation.
A Mindfulness Practice for Holding Space
As readers, you may find yourself in situations where one voice dominates and another’s seems overshadowed. Whether in a personal or professional setting, cultivating the ability to hold space for all voices can foster deeper understanding and connection.
Here is a simple mindfulness practice to try when you notice yourself reacting to an imbalance in a conversation:
Pause and Breathe: Take a moment to ground yourself. Inhale deeply and exhale slowly, letting your breath anchor you in the present moment.
Notice Your Reaction: Observe the thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations that arise. Perhaps you feel frustration, protectiveness, or even judgment. Name these reactions without attaching a story to them. For example: “I feel irritation” or “I notice tension in my chest.”
Shift to Curiosity: Ask yourself, What else might be happening here? What assumptions am I making about the people involved? This step invites openness to perspectives beyond your initial reaction.
Respond Skillfully: If appropriate, find a way to gently include quieter voices. You might ask an open-ended question like, “I’d love to hear your perspective on that.” If direct intervention isn’t possible, use your breath to hold space for both the dominant and quieter voices with compassion.
Practicing these steps regularly can help transform moments of imbalance into opportunities for deeper connection and growth.
The Bigger Picture: Beyond Mindfulness in Childbirth Conversations
This experience also reinforced the importance of cultivating empowerment in birthing parents. As research consistently shows, when birthing people feel seen and heard, they are more likely to emerge from their experiences feeling resilient and whole.
Creating this sense of agency requires intention, mindfulness, and a commitment to holding space for their voices, even when other dynamics threaten to overshadow them.
Mindfulness is not just about being present; it’s about engaging with life’s complexities with openness, compassion, and skillful action.
Whether in the context of childbirth or everyday interactions, we can all learn to balance the voices in the room while ensuring the heart of the story remains central.
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